Did you know Single Ladies that to be able to meet this way and encourage each other is a blessing?.

Finally someone is here telling you single "I love you". People may look at you and see you as a husband-snatcher, but God sees your potential. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

People have spoken about you, no-one had greeted you. Or may be you are a single mother. Someone gave you a baby and left, and you wonder why. May be you feel it's because of your body shape, or your hair that doesn't grow.

On the outside we may appear calm, but on the inside we fear rejection. So we keep our potential hidden. Psalms 139:12-17 says: "Yea the darkness hides not from you; but the night shines as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to you ..."

Did you know you are not junk because god does not make junks? Verse 14 says it well. Your life was recorded in His book before you were woven together in your mother's womb. The Bible talks of records. Hezekiah went to God when He was sick and pleaded with Him about his sickness, and God went to his records.

Your records were in his book before you were made in your mother's womb. Every one of us carries a mental portrait; an inner picture of how you think you look like. It may not be the way we see you, but it's there. That is our self-image. Some of us are lucky because we like our mental portrait. We smile when we think of it. But the majority of us don't. We hug, we kiss as people praise us and we say, "oh if only you knew". But whether we like our self-image or not has a lot to do with how we live ad how we relate to others and to God. Ever heard prayers that go this way; "God we come before you, we know we don't deserve it because we are terrible sinners. We are like cockroaches, we are like a worm, or like a small rat."

If you think you are a cockroach, then most likely you walk like one. And did you know that cockroaches come out in the night when the light is put off and when the light is put on they flee?. Also, if you feel you are a sinner, chances are that you shall never overcome sin because you must be a sinner. But if you feel you are a saint, you will walk like one. We don't go to God because we are righteous but because of the righteousness of Christ.

Your self-image determines how you relate with your boss, your pastor, e.t.c. If you think you are a kagunyo (worm) or gathigiriri (ant)where did you get that from?. God told Jeremiah, "before you re born I knew you and ordained you a prophet". There are many things that may have made us feel like a worm or a small ant. It doesn't matter whether you have three children from different fathers. Behold, this is a new beginning. The past is gone and the new has come. It's time to walk in boldness. Jesus is not ashamed to be called my brother, the Bible says. The records were there from the beginning. There is nothing He doesn't know about me.

You may be separated because the new wife looks better than you came and took your place, but God sees a dynamic person in you.

BOLD AND SECURE

CHARACTERISTICS OF SINGLE LADIES WHO LOOK BOLD BUT ARE INSECURE INSIDE:-

•  Those who abuse you by any name for example, some women in the market can tell you "uhana makoro ma ngwaci (you look like sweet potatoes peelings), e.t.c.They are insecure in the inside.

•  Those who bully others. One fat girl in school used to feel so bad about her size that she would be a bully to put off people from coming near her. Even men who battle their wives are insecure.

•  Those who get angry very easily at the slightest provocation. They are angry but they don't want you to know it, but you wait and touch them and they explode!

•  Those who are not easy to get along with even in the estate.

•  Those who don't open up easily. You will never know where they come from. They will never invite you to their houses because may be they dress expensively to put up a front and in their house they have three cups. One sister who was like that got visitors unexpectedly and people had to wait for others to finish their tea so that they too could take some. Such people will mention important people and big preachers by their first names so as to be seen as though they are on first name basis with them. They have low self-esteem and this contributes to lack of inner peace and confidence. Even if they are asked to pray for food, they find it difficult to do so.

• Social withdrawal. Such people don't want to meet people. You hear that there is a security meeting in the neighborhood or a friend's wedding and you don't go, you want to stay in your house.

•  People who are jealous and critical of others. "That dress she was wearing! Oh no!, they say. "The way she raises her kids" You make others look worse than you because you are jealous.

•  Self-criticism. Someone tells you "that dress looks nice on you" and you say "Ah! Ni kamtumba (it is only second hand). Even the other one, it had only costed me shs 50. And the other one is only shs 100". Who asked you all that? I was only appreciating you. Say "thank you" just that.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. When God created man, He said he was very good. Some of the things that really concern us and make us have low self esteem are not important. "I'm so daft," how could I do something like that?. Move on because Christ has already forgiven you. God allowed you to make a mess so that you can learn from it and learn to be dependant on him. You are not saved because you sought the Lord, He sought you. Jesus said in John 15:15: "I have called you friends for all things that I heard of my Father I have made known to you." He is the one who calls us. We only respond to him. Even fasting is by his grace. You can't fast even for one hour without grace. Without His grace we can do nothing.

•  Those who are always complaining are hypersensitive and unforgiving. Once you forgive, chances are that you forget it, people who complain, argue and are hypersensitive nurse even those things that were meant to be a joke. Some have left churches because someone made a joke about them, intending to brighten their day, but it was taken personally. With regard to money you will hear some of these say, "nowadays there is no money, may be the one you are telling this has a lot of it. Others say "even Pastors nowadays doesn't greet me", and may be he doesn't know anything about it. "Even his wife seems to have something against me", you add. Stop complaining and start living. There is some good in every situation. You may not see it then, but later you will. A friend of mine, a widow, shared with me that the things she has done in five years after her husband died were more than she had been able to do in the 17 years she had lived with her husband. Why? Because she didn't stay there mourning, even though she and her husband had been so close. She didn't die. And in two years she had even built a house.

God demands intimacy with us the way we have intimacy with man and it is easier for singles to do that than it is for the married. That is why Paul said, "He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord but he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife". 1 Corinthians 7:32-33.

Be confident everybody feels inferior sometimes and cannot accept compliments because of the prevailing circumstances. But if your confidence is always low and it is your way of life, then there are things you need to deal with.

REASONS FOR LOW SELF-ESTEEM

• Faulty theology that says that having low self-esteem is spiritual. Being spiritual does not mean you hi your talents in self- crucification attitude because the Lord is working in you. There are so many of us created by God with talents and potentials that he could use but we are sitting on them.

•  Sin and Guilt. When we violate God's standards we won't have much self-confidence.

•  Past Experiences that have lowered our values. Maybe you have failed or lived with people who do not encourage you, however, when you fail, you need to rise up. Divorces especially have a very low self-esteem. They wonder where they went wrong. Others have low self-esteem because of rejection. Someone leaves you as a single mother, with a baby, and takes off, and you are left with low self-esteem.

•  Parent-Child relationship. Some parents even cursed us and said, "even you won't get a husband. You will never amount to anything". And we tent to curse our children too. The foundation of self-esteem is in the home, especially during the first seven years of one's life. One time a girl who was slender was told by her parents, "huyu hata akitupwa kwa mafuta hawezi nona (even if this one is dipped in the fat she can't grow fat)". And thats when she lost her self-confidence.

•  Unrealistic expectations. This occurs when we set very high standards for ourselves or desire to reach other people's standards and if we fail, we lose self-esteem.

•  Faulty thinking that tells us that others never make mistakes or sin. This is telling yourself things that are not true. "I know I'm not beautiful," you say to yourself. "I will not make it in that interview". Who told you that?. And we just allow our thoughts to go on and on. Yet the bible says, "Taking captive every thought to the obedience of Christ", 2 Corinthians 10:5". Whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things", Philippians 4:8.

PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS

1. Identify causes of low self-esteem.

2. Let go of the past. We may need to forgive others in unresolved conflicts.

3. Take an inventory of your strengths the Bible says, " Let's look at ourselves soberly". We have abilities and talents that we can learn back to . Some fo us are singers, intercessors or preachers. Take stock of your achievements then work on self improvement.

4. Rebuild your thought patterns. Catch your thoughts and see what you think. Take them captive to the obedience of Christ and develop admirable qualities.

5. Never compare yourself with others. You don't have a carbon copy of yourself anywhere. Admire others as God's workmanship but don't try to copy them.

6. Recognize our true status in Christ. When God looks at you, what does He sees?. If there is anything to give you high self-esteem, it is the knowledge that God loves you. There are things that Lord won't ask you to stop doing for his own reasons. Yet there are others He will tell you to stop doing, such as wearing a particular dress, for His own reasons. Let's remember who we are in Christ. We are a success and should have high self-esteem just because we are in relationship with God.

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